FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Here at the Pazzo Institute for End-times Research (PIER) we have always viewed Zombie/Robot uprisings as a regrettable, but inevitable side effect of human progress. While others have struggled to find ways to stave off the unstaveable, while the Zombie Uprising camp has dismissed the very real threat of a robot uprising, and while the RoboUp camp has looked down their noses at even the possibility of an encounter with the walking dead, the PIER has been struggling to understand the complex interrelationship between these seemingly parallel phenomena. Today, finally, we have the answer. No matter where you are on earth, your chance of experiencing a Zombie Uprising plus your chances of experiencing a Robot Uprising is roughly equal to 1 (given a sufficient time horizon, it is a virtual mathematical certainty that you will experience one or the other). This is well documented. However, what we have discovered is that Zombie/Robot uprising probabilities are actually a zero-sum phenomena – the safer you are from one, the more likely you are to experience the other. In graph form this looks like this:
We’ve identified the mid-point, where zombies and robots are equally likely to rise up, as El Paso, TX.
Having been the victim of a Robot Attack myself, as documented here I can only say that I am not suprised by your research. I live in fear of the inevitable zombie attack.
The Robot/Zombie threat is real, and even more pressing than the ancient-demon-overlord scenario as documented by Lovecraft. We should all be very afraid.
[...] Institute for End-times Research (PIER) have published new, and startling evidence, as documented here. PIER has been struggling to understand the complex interrelationship between these seemingly [...]